• Condoms are for dicks

  • You're not my dad, but I call you daddy

  • The only female who wants all her holes plugged in Mrs. Potato Head

  • As long as I have a face, you have a seat

  • What was that? I was too busy imagining having sex with you

  • My favorite bone in your body is my own

  • I hope you get more ass this weekend than my couch

  • Are you an almond, cause I want to milk your nut

  • Lets drink just enough to have dirty sex

  • You're on my mind, everyone else is on my nerves

  • Thanks for letting me have sex with you

  • Sorry I came in your eye

  • If you want a princess, don't act like a whore

  • If you want a prince, don't act like a whore

  • You can't buy my love with that salary

  • A real man will make your panties wet, not your eyes

  • Oral sex in the AM.. I call that a head start

  • I'm so glad I swiped right

  • Thanks for loving me, even when I don't shave my legs

  • You'll do.

  • I want to grow old and wrinkly with you

  • The only thing I want to do, is you

  • I'm so glad you're as weird as me

  • You're the one I text when I'm drunk

  • I love every bone in your body, especially mine

  • At least this STD is curable

  • Choke me, daddy

  • Keep the fights clean and the sex dirty

  • I'm saving the cream filling for later

  • You got that yummy yummy

  • So you're saying there's a chance..

  • You might be allergic to nuts, but I'll give you my nut butter

  • Pay attention to me

  • Anal?

  • It's an honor to have sex with you

  • I might be vegan, but I'd eat your meat

  • I licked it so it's mine

  • I love you even when you're PMSing

  • I'd let you stay the night

  • I'd kiss you after a blow job

  • You're sexual napalm

  • Thanks for pulling out

  • I don't care that you're uncircumzied

  • When I eat hot dogs, I think of you

  • When I eat tacos, I think of you

  • I sent you a cookie - will you suck me off now?

  • That was fun, but I've had bigger

  • Your breath smells like my penis

  • I like you for your brain

  • Snapchat me that {genitalia}

  • Slide into my DMs

  • For my favorite fuck buddy

  • I'd introduce you to my mom {important figure}

  • Can I suck your dick?

  • Are you a beaver, cus DAMN

  • I don't care that you're uncircumcised

  • This is better than flowers

  • I'd introduce you to my dog

  • I wanna do bad things to you

  • 3Some?

  • I swallow

  • You give me boners

  • Thanks for buying Plan B

  • You’re my reason to masturbate

  • Sit on my face

  • I'd eat your ass

  • Can I sit on your face?

  • I want to spend the rest of my lease with you

  • Your tits are fucking fantastic

  • Thanks for the orgasm

  • Send nudes

  • You make me wet

  • Thanks for the unsolicited dick pic

  • I can finally fart in front of you

  • Still cant believe I fell for you

relationships