• The condom broke
• Clearly not on birth control
• Knocked up
• Congrats on the sex
• Guess it's too late for Plan B
• Great excuse to wear sweats for 9 months
• Didn't practice safe sex
• That pullout game weak
• Ever seen a watermelon fit through a donut hole? You will.
• There are no mistakes, just happy little accidents
• Oh, baby
• Congrats! I am grateful it's you and not me
• May your labor be as easy as you were
• Congratulations on growing a human
• Pumped for you, not your vagina
• Awesome people make awesome babies
• Congrats, fertile mertil!
• Big congrats on your tiny human
• You don't know what love is 'til you willingly smell a butt for poop
• Sorry you can't drink, but you can eat this cookie
• You're going to be a M{D}ILF
• If your baby is ugly, do you want me to tell you?
• Get the sleep while you can
• Heard you're pregnant, whore
• Excited to finally be skinnier than you
• Congrats on cumming inside of her
• Guess your man has strong sperm
• Promoted to mom / dad {parents}
• Can't wait to meet your spawn
• Officially at an age where we have babies on purpose
• Congrats on transferring your genetic material
• Your vagina will never be the same
• So you're not a virgin?
• Ever see a watermelon fit through a donut hole? You will
• Pregnant, not fat
• You're eating for two, I'm drinking for two
• I'm so glad one of us recently had sex
• Congratulations on your temporarily huge boobs
• Holy shit you're having a baby
• I'm so pregnant
• Bun in the oven
• Congrats for entering a period of life when you will have no periods
• My womb is occupied
• Congrats on the baby! Sorry about your vagina
• Heard your pregnant
• I thought you were a virgin
• Good to know his penis works
• We were worried it was donuts
• Your jeans will fit again in 9 months
• Congrats on being 9 months sober.. and pregnant
• Sleep is overrated
• Goodbye sleep, hello baby!
• Oh, baby!
• You don’t know what love is until you willingly smell a butt for poop
• A sleeping baby is the new happy hour
• Congrats on your adorable new reason to be awake at 3 am