Mother's day

  • Thanks for having sex with dad

  • Thanks for birthing me

  • Mom, remember when you would still do that

  • My mom is better than your mom

  • Mom of the year

  • Mom, thanks for putting up with my shit

  • Sorry you had to raise my awful brother {sister}

  • No matter what life throws at you, at least you don't have ugly kids

  • Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for the free womb & board!

  • May your to-do list be empty and your wine glass stay full

  • Of all the evil stepmothers in the world, I'm glad I got you

  • Instead of grandkids, may I interest you in this cookie?

  • Happy Mother's Day to my favorite MILF

  • Mom-ing is hard, and you're nailing it

  • Thanks for not putting me up for adoption

  • I hope today is more pleasant than labor was

  • I wanted to relax today and then remembered I'm a mom

  • Kris Jenner has nothing on you! Happy Mother's Day!

  • Thanks for all the unsolicited advice! Happy Mother's Day!

  • You're the luckiest mom ever. I'd love to have me as a kid!

  • The art of lecturing, learned from mom

  • You remind me of {your mom's favorite female actress/musician/etc}

  • You are the Beyoncé of moms

  • Like mother like daughter

  • If at first you don't succeed, do it how your mom told you to

  • Mom, remember when you {filled in the blank}

  • No one can out mom you

  • I hope a masseuse is the only one pushing your buttons today

  • Keep calm, ask mom

  • I'm happy I gave you the honor of birthing me

  • Happy Mother's Day! Sorry I always forget our anniversary! {your birthday}

  • Ain't no hood like motherhood

  • I'm the reason you pee a little when you laugh.. Happy Mother's Day!

  • Thanks for keeping me alive

  • Thanks for being a great mom through my 20+ year awk stage

  • Sorry about your other kids, at least you have me

  • Without me, this day wouldn't mean much

  • Mom, you're one of my favorite parents

  • Are you proud that I remembered to get you a Mother's Day gift?

  • If at first you don't succeed, call mom

  • I love being your favorite child

  • It's not easy being a mom.. if it were, dad would do it

  • Sorry I ruined your body with my huge head

  • There's no one else I'd rather complain to

  • You are right about everything

  • Queen of domesticity

  • Thanks for everything you've done and still have to do for me

  • Honored to look just like you

  • I'm sorry my huge head ruined your vagina

  • OMG, my mom was right about everything

  • Mom, where's the meatloaf (subset text: happy mother's day)

  • Good job, Mom, I'm awesome

  • Sorry I kicked you in the womb

  • Mom, you are the shit

  • Thanks 4 loving me, even though I ruined your vag

  • I turned out amazing, you're welcome

  • You're not a regular mom, you're a cool mom

  • Happy Mother's Day from your favorite child