just because

  • Morally questionable

  • DAT ASS THO

  • Congrats on not getting a venereal disease

  • As emotionally stable as an Ikea table

  • Don't trip over my amazingness.. it's everywhere

  • In fuck, marry, vote off the island - I'd {blank} you

  • You’re the shit

  • I need to start eating more healthy, but first I'll eat this cookie

  • Hello, this is karma calling

  • And by sweet tooth, I mean sweet teeth

  • I have a black belt in sarcasm

  • Just because I make it look easy doesn't mean it is

  • I'm taking a break from the tiring job of being fabulous

  • I'm exhaustipated: too tired to give a crap

  • I call it 'keeping it real'

  • Some songs bring out my inner stripper

  • I almost let what you said upset me

  • I'd be a better person if I was always drunk

  • I can't believe I work this hard to be this poor

  • I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure

  • If you're happy & you know it, it's your meds!

  • Ringmaster of the shit show

  • I'm not crying, you're crying

  • Big. Dick. Energy.

  • Get a bucket and a mop, that's some wet ass pussy

  • I'm emotionally constipated, I haven't given a shit in days

  • Big dick energy is the only big dick you have

  • Ruin my life

  • You have big dick energy, but a small penis

  • If you're going to be salty, bring tequila.

  • 100% that bitch

  • You’re my favorite fucking person

  • It's a beautiful day to get fucked up

  • You're doing amazing, sweetie

  • I'm so lucky people can't hear what I'm thinking

  • Knowing you makes me cool

  • I'm never drinking again

  • Stay Badass

  • I've got 99 problems, but you ain't one

  • We love you more than you love {whatever they love}

  • Weird flex, but okay

  • You're the tits

  • You're so hot

  • I didn't tell you? Must not be your business

  • If being sarcastic burned cals, I'd {you'd) be thin

  • You my homeslice

  • Being an adult is the dumbest thing I've ever done

  • I've been nagged to deaf

  • Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough

  • Be cool, don't be all uncool

  • The sun is high, & so am I

  • Hey girl, you got this

  • This shit is bananas

  • I have a condition called selective hearing, which filters out BS

  • You slay all day

  • Fucker.